A Wobbly Trolley Wheel In Human Form

A Diagnostic Report

Every morning, before I do anything else, I conduct an assessment.

Nothing to do with the day ahead.

A physical one.

A rough check of my moving parts and which are working and which have decided to throw in the towel. This is at least a five minute job.

It didn’t take any time at all, when I was younger, in fact, I didn’t bother with any checks.

These days the process starts before I move.

Moving is phase two. And yes, there are two phases to this.

Phase one is the pre-movement check, conducted while still I’m horizontal, before the body has been asked to do anything and has not yet had the opportunity to object.

The Neck

The neck always has something to say.

This morning it’s four out of ten. Manageable. A four means I can turn my head to both the left and right, providing I do it slowly and with adequate warning.

I’ve been operating under this arrangement for a few years now, and we’ve reached an understanding.

The Lower Back

The lower back doesn’t so much report as make a grand statement.

Today the statement is: medium.

Not the sharp specific intake of breath complaint that means today is going to be one of those days.

Just there, opinionated about the mattress. As usual.

The Right Knee

The right knee and I have been in ongoing negotiations since early 2017.

The terms are straightforward. No sudden movements. No stairs taken at speed. No kneeling without a pre-arranged exit strategy. And under no circumstances attempt to run.

In return I don’t ask it to do anything it might consider unreasonable.This morning it seems fairly compliant.

This is good news.

The Right Shoulder

The right shoulder is new.

It appeared in February with no explanation and no prior history. It doesn’t hurt exactly. It just makes itself known.

A nagging presence, like a wobbly shopping trolly wheel that constantly veers left. It’s decided, at this point in proceedings, to start voicing opinions.

Currently a three. Monitoring continues.

Phase two is sitting up.

Sitting up is where the preliminary findings are either confirmed or revised upward. This morning nothing new was introduced.

Excellent.

I Was Twenty-Three Once.

I got out of bed. That was it, the whole process. No assessment. No negotiation with any of my aforementioned body parts..

I just got up.

I was fine and I didn’t notice I was fine because fine was simply the default and defaults don’t require noticing.

I bloody well notice now.

This morning’s full picture: manageable if I don’t think about it too much.

I stand for a moment taking stock. Then I go and make coffee, which is the only morning phase that has never once let me down.

Today is a good morning.

They’re mostly good mornings, if you adjust the definition of good appropriately.

I’ve got quite good at that.